Mistakes Can Give You Courage

As mentioned in my last post, inexpensive way to wall mount canvas boards, I had only one painting I thought was just gawd awful. One of my character flaws is that I am very tight with a dollar. Not only did I disparage the painting but I begrudge the waste of a canvas. To my credit I own my short comings. I can do that because I am a seeker of self-knowledge and I know it's OK to be flawed.

This painting bugged me because not only was it ugly but I had wasted a canvas. Over the weekend I hitched up my boot straps and painted over it.

Chintz - One Way

I first gave the canvas a very light green wash and then I added the pinks. Now I have a painting I actually like. I like it because the colors remind me of chintz drapes in my family home which reminds me of my mother which fills me with love. But, this painting could never have happened if I hadn't screwed up.

Chintz -Another Way

Not only did my original mistake teach me something about painting technique but it also has given me new courage.  Ever since I started my acrylic painting journey back in November 2015 I have been intimidated by a blank canvas. A blank canvas has been a self-doubt delight. I was so afraid I would ruin a perfectly good canvas. Now I know nothing is set in stone. You really can make lemonade out of lemons. My imagination has found new freedom.

I put the painting up two ways. I can't decide which I like better.

©Kinsey Barnard

Running Eagle Falls

Running Eagle Falls

It was bound to happen, a gawd awful painting. My deepest apologies to Running Eagle a great Blackfeet warrior princes. This painting goes in the "What was I thinking" column.

Running Eagle Falls is one of my favorite places to go in Glacier Park. Over the years I have tried to photograph it but for some reason I've not been able to get anything that does it justice.You can check out a couple of my photographic efforts as well as the legend of Running Eagle on my adventure blog.

Anyway, I had this idea I wanted to paint my version of it and this is what happened. It's pretty gawdy as well as gawd awful.

I'm starting to come to the conclusion that larger canvases may be easier to paint. Detail work is tough in small spaces. The good news is, I continue to learn things and have had little "ah ha" moments. But, I'll need a lot more.

©Kinsey Barnard

Blog Name Change

Today I decided to change the name of this blog. The original title was Dairy of a Would Be Painter and so it is.  But as I have been writing posts I see that this painting adventure is giving me all manner of introspective opportunities. After writing I Just Learned What I Already Knew it occurred to me this blog is going to be about more than just painting. The new title, as you can, see is Learning to Paint: A Journey of Self-Discovery. I've always been an advocate of self-knowledge. I have a feeling learning to paint, along with writing about it on this blog, is going to be a journey of self-discovery making it all the more fun.

Since I started this project I have been reminded just how thoroughly unteachable I am. It doesn't mean I can't learn. It means I have to teach myself by observing what other people do, not what they say, and then figuring out how to do it in a way that makes sense to me. My thought process is so different from most peoples I simply cannot grasp how to do a thing as explained by another. The way things make sense to others is totally bewildering to me.

I was a terrible student. I believed I couldn't understand things because I was stupid. In grammar school I had to take piano lessons. The nun, Sister Ruth, used a little black wand. She kept time to a metronome and tapped the piano in time with it. Every time I struck a wrong note she would strike my knuckles. In the end, I was the only child in the history of the school who couldn't play in the recital because she couldn't learn even one simple piece. In high school it was so bad I was suicidal. My IQ was revealed to me in hopes it would help with my self-doubt. Turned out my IQ was 136. No Einstein but not stupid either. It did help with my self-worth issues but not with my frustration. The point is, my inability to be taught started a very long time ago.

I'm watching lots of painting videos. I watch more than listen. I'm watching for those AH HA moments. Times when I see the artist do something and think "Oh wow, that's how that's done!" I'm saving all of the videos that give me one or more of those moments in my Acrylic Painting Video Library.

In addition to being unteachable there is a bit of a rebel in me. Since I've learned I don't think like other people I find I don't want to do things like other people. I am a square peg in a round hole world and learning to live with it has been a journey unto itself. My life's theme song is I Did It My Way, mostly because I had no choice. I have no doubt painting is going to be a continuation on that theme.

Pajaro - Kinsey Barnard

For anyone reading this please understand, this blog is primarily for my personal edification. I only make it public on the off chance that something I write might be useful to another. I'm way too old to care what anyone may think of me. As far as I'm concerned life isn't a popularity contest. Good thing too as square pegs don't generally do well in that type of contest.

©Kinsey Barnard